A Veiw of Our December

Merry Christmas everyone! We had a great day here in Oklahoma. Monty's folks were here to celebrate with us. My house is filled with Dinosaurs, Trains, Army Men and Lincoln Logs! Monty's Dad dressed up like Santa this morning. JD was fully aware that it was Grandpa, but he was excited about it to be sure. (I'm not a huge Santa fan...but it was really cool to see how much joy Grandpa got out of passing out presents to the kids...it was worth it just to see the look in his eyes)

We had a great Candlelight Christmas Eve Service at our church last night. Complete with Caleb yelling "FIRE" and blowing out our families candle. JD announced that the communion bread and juice were our "snacks"....you get the picture. Lots of memories to be sure.

It was a great day... Thanks Lord for being the reason we celebrate The reason we enjoy life. The true meaning ...of CHRISTmas.

Enjoy the slideshow....

Tree Trimming, No Power and Ice Storms

A large ice storm hit Oklahoma over the weekend. It left hundreds of thousands of people with no power. There are still many without power. The Johnson clan survived 3 days with no power. We did survive. We have a wood burning stove and a ton of firewood. I'm so amazed at how great God is.

This summer, the power company sent crews out to our neighborhood to trim trees. The completely cut down one of our trees in the back yard. They even cut the wood up and stacked it for us. I was a little annoyed at the time, I couldn't believe that they cut down a WHOLE TREE....but, now it was that very tree that kept us warm. Another blessing is that if that tree had not been cut down, we would have an even bigger mess than we do now! God is good.

I also realize that there are times in my life where God is trimming things back, or completely removing things for reasons that make no sense to me at the time. However, in His great mercy and provision....He always has a reason and it usually involves keeping me safe and warm....

I DID IT !!!!

Today I ran my first 5K! I've been working really hard over these past few months. I'm down almost 23 pounds and I was able to run the 5K in 40:02. Not to shabby for this 36 year old Mother of 3! Monty and the boys came to cheer me on. It was fun seeing them all waiting for me at the finish line. I'm so grateful for a supportive family!

December 2004 (Part 2)

The Birth of Caleb was the second event that caused me to depend on the Lord. It wasnt' even a concious dependance at times. It was a total, complete relinquishing of any type of control. All I could do was crawl up on God's lap and let Him hold me through the storm....

These words are actual entries from my journal at that time....

"..... I stayed in Denver for a couple weeks after Gil's death. I flew back to our home in Joplin, MO on December 3, 2004. I scurried around Joplin trying to unpack from Denver and re-pack for our trip to Florida. Monty had a job interview at a church there and they were flying the whole family there for a week. On Saturday, I noticed that I was spotting a little bit. I wasn't really concerned, I just chalked it up to being 7 months pregnant etc. On Monday, I was still spotting a little bit and so I called the Doctor. They had me come up to labor and delivery. They did a complete exam and everything appeared normal. Caleb's heartbeat was good and strong. The Doctor attributed the spotting to having a sensitive cervix. I told them that we were flying to Florida the next day. They did not seem concerned, but I did request a copy of my pre-natal records to take with me.

We left Joplin that night and drove to Kansas City. I continued to have some spotting. I woke up early in the morning with a couple of contractions. I just chalked it up to good ole Braxton Hicks. Our flight left at 7:00 am. I kept having contractions. I thought maybe changing positions and drinking water would help. We landed in Atlanta for a layover. My contractions got stronger. We walked around. JD toddled everywhere. I laid down on the uncomfortable chairs in the concourse, I stretched against the wall, I walked...they kept coming. About 6-7 an hour, so about every 10 minutes. We boarded our next plane. The flight to West Palm Beach was only an hour. Monty held JD and eventually he moved with him to the empty seats right in front of me. I couldn't deal with him climbing on me. I kept getting up and going to the bathroom, more bleeding, more contractions. The contractions kept getting harder and faster. I distinctly remember holding onto the arm rests tightly and trying to relax my body. But, I was getting scared, which made it hard to relax. I caught Monty's eye and said.. "This is not good". As the plane began its descent, I told Monty we needed to let the steward know what was up. I hadn't told anyone before, because I didn't want to panic anyone. So, we called the Steward over and asked if we could have a wheelchair for us when we got off the plane. He asked why, we told him I was in labor. You could see the color drain from his face. He got on the intercom and asked that everyone stay seated so we could get off the plane first.

We got off the plane, met the pastor of the church that Monty was candidating at, at baggage claim. At this point, my contractions were about 2 minutes apart. They asked me if I wanted an ambulance, I said YES! At this point, we gave our baggage claim tickets to the pastor, and we handed him JD and the diaper bag. The ambulance arrived. They brought in a stretcher. I don't remember getting on the stretcher. I do remember the paramedic telling me he was going to take off my pants. The pressure got really intense. I was really scared. I kept telling him..."I'm only 31 weeks pregnant, he can't come now, it's to early..,." He assured me he had delivered 4 babies and could handle this. Then the urge to push hit. A contraction came and I couldn't help it. I pushed and "GUSH" the amniotic fluid shot out of me and plastered the entire back end of the ambulance. Including the windows and the helpless paramedic! I was embarrassed and kept apologizing.

We finally got to the hospital. They had Monty go fill out paperwork and they got me into a room. A nurse came in and checked me. She rushed out and came back in with a whole team of people. There was no conversation, I felt strangely like I was on a scene from ER. They told me that Caleb was coming out wrong and they had to do a C-Section. There was chaos everywhere.

They hooked me up to a fetal monitor. The nurse could not find a heartbeat. I was so scared. I kept waiting to hear that rhythmic swooshing...but there was nothing. Another nurse came and started prepping me for surgery. Monty walked in. Still no heartbeat. The nurse assured me it would be OK. They were sticking me with IV's, shaving me (not pleasant) and still scanning for a heartbeat. There was shouting and commotion. Keep in mind that I'm not a swearing person, but inside I'm yelling ..."FIND THE @!#$% heartbeat~! They wheeled me down the hall and into the operating room. They transferred me to a different bed. They asked me to roll into fetal position and hug my knees. They rubbed something cold on my back and then stuck the shot into my spine. My legs and everything went warm and then numb. Monty was wearing a surgical gown and was sitting by my head. They had a tarp up so I couldn't see. Within just a few seconds, they had Caleb out. There was a long pause as they worked on him. Then I heard him cry...never had anything sounded so wonderful. They showed him to me briefly then whisked him off to the NICU. They sewed me up and wheeled me into a small recovery room. Monty and I sat there stunned. We looked at each other and shook our heads as if to say..."What just happened~!?"

They soon wheeled me into the NICU to see Caleb. He was so tiny. He laid in an open crib, hooked up to monitors. His arm was bruised from the shoulder to the tips of his tiny fingers. The doctors were not overly positive about his condition. They weren't negative, just tentative. I was kept in the hospital for a week. Everyday I would go down the the NICU to see little Caleb. The first week they had him hooked up to a ventilator, which breathed for him. I was so scared. Just weeks before, I had seen Gil hooked up to a ventilator with some of the same monitors and tubes coming out of his head. I was almost scared to hope that my little guy would be OK....."

Check out this video of him from the day he was born...

As most of you know, Caleb is fine. He turns 3 tomorrow. He came into the world with a bang, and continues to leave his mark on the world. I know God has great plans for him. I'm so grateful for the 3 years of life we've had with him and Lord willing we will be celebrating many Birthdays to come! I love you little man~!

November 2004

I'm not even sure how to begin this blog. I want to write about two events. Two events that took place during November and December 2004. These events changed me. These events were perhaps the most difficult times I've ever faced. It seems that the world stopped and how or when it started spinning again, I'm not sure. I do know that it was during these two events that I learned what dependence upon God really meant. I think I'm just going to recount these events in two seperate entries. I'm going to share some of my actual journal notes during that time....

November 2004,

"....Mary Zane called to let me know that her Dad had fallen on Saturday.
He was in the ICU in Denver. She was flying home from Waco on Sunday. Monty was candidating at a church in Nowata, OK that day. We went to the church...all through the service I got updates. Gil did not look good. We decided to head out to Denver on Monday night. Miraculously, God provided for our financial needs to make the trip possible. We left Monday night and drove halfway. We got into Denver on Tuesday afternoon. We dropped JD off at my parents house and went right to the hospital. I went back to the room with Chris and Mary Zane. Chris was sitting in a chair by his Dad's bed. Gil had tubes coming out of his head. Half his head was shaved and he had a trachea in so he could breathe. I walked over to Chris and he fell apart. I stood there and held him as he cried. Mary Zane came over and the three of us hugged and cried.


The next days and couple of weeks are a blur. Full of hospital visits. One of my best memories is from the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Mary Zane and I had gone out for coffee (at Starbucks of course) and then visited her Dad. He had had surgery to try to relieve the pressure in his brain. They cut his head from ear to ear and stitched it up loosely, hoping that that would allow the brain to swell and relieve the pressure. I went over and spent the night at their house. The next morning Chris was there, and the three of us laid on Gils bed and we talked and laughed. Chris and I had lunch at Chipotle that day. After lunch, I went back to my folks house.

I was getting ready for the Thanksgiving Eve service at my parents church when Mary Zane called. She told me that her Dad's brain pressures had skyrocketed and basically "strangled" his brain. They made the decision to withdraw care. That's a decision no 18 and 19 year old should ever have to make. I sat JD down in my Moms lap, got in the car and sped to the hospital. I don't even remember the drive there. I got there and hugged MZ. They had moved Gil to a private room. The nurse came in and turned off the monitors, removed the ventilator tube from the trech and we waited. I had everyone gather around and we prayed.

All in all it was just weird. Standing around waiting for someone to die. There was a crowd of people in the waiting room. In a strange way, I felt honored to be able to be in the room with the kids. We didn't know how long it would take. His breathing was rhythmical. The kids went up and held his hands. I stood beside them or behind them. Even now, as I look back on it all, it doesn't seem real. I just cant seem to let myself believe that this is really happening. It just feels like a really clear memory of a horrible dream. The nurse came in and told us that because his heart was strong, this could take awhile. I remember holding his had and promising that I would take care of his children. I remember praying .." Lord, just make it quick". Not a prayer I wanted to pray, nor one I really wanted answered. What I really wanted was for him to "Snap Out of it". To just wake up. But, instead, we were here in this cold hospital and my prayer was more for the kids than for Gil.

Chris requested a few minutes alone with is Dad. I went out to the lobby to give everyone an update. When I got back in, they scurried us back into the room. Gil was about to enter Paradise. His color had gone from fairly normal, to a sickly green. His breathing was shallow and sporadic. Chris and Mary Zane went and held his hands. Both were crying. MZ kept telling him to "go home Daddy..." Then it was over. He just simply stopped breathing. We shuffled out of the room. I got details and paper work on the morgue and funeral home. We met people in the lobby. Lots of hugs, sniffs and tears. Then we all walked to our cars. Strange to leave and do something normal, like drive. I felt like everyone around should be sad too. It was cold and dark. We all felt numb.

I went back to my parents house. They were home from church. Mom was giving JD a bath. I went in and finished up. It was such a stark contrast. Here I was bathing a little 14 month old in warm soapy water. He smiled and babbled happily. I knelt down on the floor with tears running down my face. I got JD to bed, and packed up my stuff and headed over to Chris and Mary Zanes. I got ready for bed. I slept in Mary Zanes bed that night. We laid there and talked about her Dad. She made the comment that now I have 5 kids. Chris, her, JD, Caleb (who was not born yet) and our little one in heaven already. I told her that her Dad could be my kids nanny in heaven. We chuckled at that. I laid there, feeling Caleb move around inside me~ Thinking about death and it's finality and birth with it's new beginning. I wasn't waxing philosophical or anything, just noting the contrast...."

That was three years ago. It's still so vivid and fresh in my mind. Please pray for Chris and Mary Zane as they face another Holiday Season with out their parents. (They lost their Mom to breast cancer when they were 3 and 4). I love these kids and I loved their Dad. He was a great man, a wonderful Father and a dear friend. Thanks for taking time to walk through this memory with me....

Out of the mouth of Babes

A friend of mine posted this in her blog. It's a radio transcript of a boy from a small town in Nebraska. Great words from a young boy. Great Faith in a small package. Great Wisdom from a tender heart....

Don't miss the Moon

Last week, my friend Wendy was out for a jog. She lives in the Denver area, so I can imagine the crisp fall evening that Colorado is famous for. She has a specific route she jogs. It's mapped out so she knows how far she's gone etc. This particular evening, as she was heading down the same street that she always jogs, she felt a prompting to head down a different street. She started to shake it off...and do her normal routine. However, she said... "OK Lord, I'll go down this street.." As she turned the corner, she was greeted with a spectacular view of the moon, rising up over the horizon. She stopped dead in her tracks, taken with beauty before her.

She was struck with the fact that God prompted her to turn, just so he could show her the moon. It was a precious moment between Father and daughter.

Lord...help me listen. Help me not be caught up in my daily life to the point that I miss the moon.

Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. I love the smell of the turkey as it cooks. I love the scent of homemade pies. I love sitting around the table with family and friends and looking back over the past year.

This Thanksgiving we had the privilege of having my folks fly in from Denver. Our friend Danny from Joplin, MO also made the trek over here to spend the day. Having people that you love in your home makes for a great Thanksgiving.

My Dad embarked on what was to be a simple project of "re-caulking" the guest bathroom tub. It turned into having to replace drywall/re-tile/re-grout....etc. He was a trooper about it, and it looks MUCH better than it did. THANKS DAD!

JD helped with the Turkey and the Apple Pie. I had to chuckle at him when he saw the uncooked turkey for the first time. I showed him where the head "used to be", as I pulled the giblets etc from the neck and the cavity of the bird. He studied it for a while and then made the statement.... "We are sure not nice to Turkeys...."

During Dinner, each person around the table took a few moments to share what they were thankful for over the course of this past year. As we shared, there was that great mix of laughter and tears. It was one of those snapshot moments for my memory. I'm so thankful for times like that. They can't be scripted, can't be "made to happen". They just are...and it was good.

I do have much to be Thankful for. God has been so good to us. I pray that through this next year, no matter what it holds, we will hold fast to Him. He truly is the one to whom all praise is due!

Chi-Omega Letter

I had the privilege of writing a letter for Mary Zanes Sorority. Each Senior girl's parents write a letter to their daughter, this letter is read aloud to the entire sorority as a way to honor each seniors accomplishments etc. I was very humbled and grateful to be able to write her letter. I wanted to share it with you all....

My Dear Mary Zane,

I know that if your Dad were able to write this letter, he would tell you how proud he is of you. He would tell you how much he loves you. He would tenderly tell you how much he believes in you and would watch with amazement as his little girl finishes up this chapter of her life. (We both know that of course he wouldn't be able to say it, because he’d be crying to hard.) That being said, I need you to know that I count it an amazing privilege to be able to write this letter in his stead.

Mary Zane, you are the daughter that God gave to me, not by birth, but by His Grace. You need to know that I love you more than words can ever describe. I am so proud of you. It was so much fun watching you grow up. You brought me so much joy. I’ve always loved spending time with you. I saw in you tenderness for the things of God at such an early age. Your faith has always been such an integral part of who you are.

Through the last few years, God has knit us together through circumstances neither of us could have ever imagined. You and I have walked through some pretty deep valleys together. We’ve also had our share of incredibly funny moments that no one else would ever understand. We share a love of Chipotle and Starbucks. You’ve accepted and loved Monty, even if he “took me away from you…” You’ve loved my boys and have been “sissy” to them. You have a love for Christ and a love for life that is evident to all. You have allowed Jesus to reign in your life, even through the darkest of moments.

My prayer for you as you graduate, is not that God would clear your path of all obstacles, for we know that they are a part of his sovereign plan. My prayer is not for wealth or even “success” as the world would render. My prayer instead, is that you keep seeking his heart. My prayer is that in God’s grace and mercy that he would continue to bestow upon you a resilient spirit that has so marked you to the core. Resiliency is not simply just “bouncing back”, resiliency is the ability to stand firm and be steadfast throughout the days God has carved out for you. My prayer is that you will keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of your faith. My prayer is that you will run with perseverance the race that our loving heavenly Father has marked out for you. My prayer is that you find true contentment in whatever circumstance God places you. My prayer is that you will know that you are loved, that you are precious and you will forever be my one and only daughter.

I love you,
Connie

Jud the Stud

Over the past few months, I've been following the story of a 2 1/2 year old little boy named Judson. In July 2007, thier son Judson was diagnosed with Krabbe disease: a rare, genetic, incurable, terminal, leukodystrophy. He began showing symptoms in May 2007 and in just 5 months he lost all use of his arms and legs, went fully blind, totally mute, lost the ability to swallow, and a week ago Wednesday, he ultimately died from an inability to breathe.

I do not know this family. But, through thier blog(s), I have come to love this family. I have been grieving along with them. Their faith in God, thier love for thier child and thier ability to be real and transparent through this horrible ordeal has humbled me and brought me to my knees time and time again.

I often look at my healthy boys and am brought to tears. I can't imagine what it would be like to walk into my boys room and know I would never get to hold him again. Even as I write these words, the emotions I feel are so raw the tears so fresh. I just ache for them.

I'm attaching some links for you, if you'd like to read more about this precious little one. The blogs are amazing. I would encourage you to read them. Please pray for his parents as they begin thier lives with little Judson held in the arms of Jesus....


http://blog.myspace.com/levasheff

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/judson

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pw-6UD7qRos

Slideshow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIU-DDhiBl0

Raul Rodrigez is my hero

The first weekend in November, I went to Baylor University to visit Mary Zane. It was a great trip. I packed up the three kids and we drove the 6+ hour drive (more like 8+ with kids) to Waco, TX. It was homecoming weekend and we got to take part in a lot of the festivities. We went to the parade, the football game and we got to go to church at MZ's church. (this was a special treat because David Crowder is their worship pastor...nice! )

Saturday afternoon, we had loaded up the kids and were heading to the football game. I had placed my wallet on the roof of our vehicle while I buckled in the three kids. About halfway to the game, I realized that we had driven off with my wallet on top of my car. Not good. The wallet had my cash, my debit/credit cards....everything. I now had no way to pay for our hotel, for food, for gas....not good. We retraced our path...no luck. I called Monty and had him start calling card companies etc. In the mean time, MZ and I decided to head to the game. Baylor got stomped by Texas Tech, but it was fun anyway.

On the way back from the game, I decided on a whim to call the police. Just to see if a good Samaritan had turned in my wallet. As a matter of fact, a man named Raul Rodriguez turned in my wallet with all the cards in tact. The cash was gone...so I guess Raul got a $15 finders fee. Either way, he's still my hero.

Warning: Several Blogs to follow

Just thought I'd let you know I have to many things floating in my head to possibly fit into one blog. So....enjoy the next few blogs...

Update on Sarah

Hello Everyone,
Thank you for praying. Here is an update on Sarah that I have copied from her website. Just thought I would give you an update.... (here is the link to her website http://www.loveyourguts.com/ )

"Sarah Beth has come through her first day post-surgery pretty well! She is still in ICU, waiting for a bed to open up in neurology's stepdown unit. She is still very sleepy. She's been talking, though, instead of using sign language like she was at first, and she has been able to eat a little bit. She still hasn't opened her eyes. Her mom's not sure if that's from a little swelling or if her eyelids are still just too heavy for her to manage it just yet. She is able to move her arms and legs. These may all seem like little things, but they are HUGE. And all of them give evidence of the power of God and of His care for Sarah Beth. Each bite she takes, each word spoken, each movement of her feet and hands - each is an amazing victory! I know you are continuing in prayer for Sarah Beth as she recovers. Please pray for strength, peace, and endurance for her as she waits for pathology reports and throughout her recovery and rehab. Obviously she has faced many challenges up to this point. She has a long road ahead of her which will continue to bring challenges and difficult circumstances. Also pray for wisdom and discernment for her so that when treatment options are presented she will be able to choose well. God has proved and will never stop proving His faithfulness. Sarah Beth's life is a prime example. And He is just as faithful to everyone who puts their trust in Him. He is so deserving of our praise!"

Please Pray for Sarah Today

Today is surgery day for Sarah Beth. (She is having surgery on her brain) She's scheduled for 2pm. We are certain of God's presence with her and we trust Him completely with her life. He knows how this will all play out. Nothing can touch her that He will not be with her through.

Please pray for her peace, strength, and safe-keeping.

Please pray for her surgeon and all of the O.R. staff.

Please pray for her parents, mark and kathleen; her brothers, jeremy and jason; and for the rest of us who are her family.

Please pray for the many friends of hers as well.

But, most of all, please please please pray for this precious girl.

What IF and IF only

I read this today...thought I'd share it with you...

"Did you know there are spiritual diseases? Two of the deadliest are the "if" diseases, What if and If Only. These illnesses are fraternal twins, alike but not alike. Both lace the eyes of faith. What if looks to the future and worries about what God might allow. If Only looks to the past and grumbles about what God has given. The first leads to anxiety, the second to anger."

I've been dealing with both of these a bit over the past couple of days. As Monty came home and returned to his job at Jareds...the end of our "active duty" pay came to an end as well. This takes about $600 off of our monthly income. We had planned to save a lot of what he was making during this time...however, life got in the way. New Brakes on a car, a stolen camera, a plumbing upset that resulted in both a carpet cleaning bill and a plumbing bill. A broken vacuum, a flat tire. Uniforms for Monty. New brake pads on another vehicle. Just life ..ya know? The "If Only" side of me says.... if only we had saved more....blah blah. The What if side of me says...what if we have an emergency and we don't have the money? In one instant I'm kicking myself, the other side of me is worrying.

I'm learning that worry is really a lack of faith. George Muller said "The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith. The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety." I have dear friends who have chemical problems etc that cause anxiety, panic attacks etc. I however, do not have these chemical problems...and I worry and fret all on my own. I can feel myself doing it. It divides my heart, my attention...it can keep me from doing what I need to do...and drives me to do what I don't want to do. When I worry, I'm short with my husband, my kids...and I'm harder on myself.

So...all this to say. Yes...our finances are going to be back to being "tight". We are good at living on little. We actually make it a game between us at times. I know we can do it. I just honestly enjoyed the little "reprieve" from having to worry as much. (There it is again...I don't HAVE to worry. I choose it.....LEARN SELF...LEARN) My confidence needs to be in God as a provider...not the size of a paycheck. Monty works very hard to provide for our family. He starts school again soon too. How he handles working full time, being in school full time, being in the National Guard and being a great husband and Father is beyond me. God has given me so much in the gift of my husband. He is a great "balancer" for me. Monty has such a steady faith. He is confident and is able to handle the "ups and downs" so much better than I can.

Lord...please help me to choose faith...

Halloween Pictures

Tricky Treats

No in depth discussion today....just a funny moment. I picked JD and Caleb up from Mothers Day Out today. JD was all excited because he got "tricky treats" today. Made me smile. Fun Times...

So Happy Together....

Monty is Home....We had a great day at the Airshow yesterday. The Blue Angels are amazing. Life is good. More to come later...

Jesus gave me lunch today

I got free lunch at Chipotle today. Their grand opening is tomorrow. I drove past today, in the vain hopes that it would somehow be open to the public. To my surprise, I saw multiple people in the restaurant eating lunch. I thought to myself... "Self, if they are eating there, you can too" So I pulled my car in, parked and marched through the door. Today, was a training day. They were serving food for FREE. Yes, you read that right. FREE. I got my favorite menu item (Soft tacos fixed like a fajita burrito...the Chipotle going readers know what that entails) I sat down and enjoyed every free bite. Yes...Jesus loves me!

Can't Wait

This week is going to be great! The boys go back to school on Tuesday and Thursday. On Thursday I'm getting my hair cut, colored and my eyebrows waxed. On Friday, weather permitting...we are going to the zoo. Saturday, we are hopefully going to the airshow in Muskogee.

However, the two things I'm most excited about....are MONTY GETS HOME on Saturday evening...and on Friday...my favorite restaurant in the WHOLE WORLD opens up here in Tulsa. On Friday I'm driving over to Chipotle....and I'm going to be in Heaven. Anyone in Tulsa care to join me ?

Well...we made it

Just an update.... I put the olive oil/ garlic ear drops in JD's ears, gave him the heating pad and let him sleep with me...and he woke up feeling fine. So, we just went to Sunday School today. All the kids slept unit 8:30,.....Thank you Jesus. I kept JD with me in my class today, just in case he had some kind of a bug. So, we are all going to rest this afternoon.....

How come they all wake up at once!

So...it looks like the Johnson clan will not be attending church tomorrow. This is due to the fact that I am now up with child #3. Caleb was up with teething issues from about 10-12. JD was up with an earache from about 12:15-1:00am. Now Nathan is up...I don't think anything is wrong with him, other than his brothers woke him up and he now thinks it's time to play. I'm letting him take a few laps around the living room and I'll be sending him back to bed. JD is sleeping in my bed, he has the heating pad on his ear and has tears running down his face in his sleep. Caleb has two molars that are coming in...that joined with the new found skill of opening doors...not a good combo. He wakes up and is hurting, so he gets out of bed and walks around the house. This will be night number three of this phenomenon. He can climb baby gates and can outsmart the "child proof" door handle things from Babies R Us. So, I don't sleep well, knowing he could roam the house at any given moment. When Monty gets home, maybe we'll install a doorknob that can lock from the outside or something. I'm sure he'll have plenty to tell Oprah someday if we do that....

Anyway...I'm tired and I just want my boys to sleep.......!

And Miles to Go Before I Sleep....

For those of you who don't know...since Monty's been gone, I've been putting myself through my own "boot camp". After having 3 kids in 3 years....several moves and honestly, just not taking care of myself...I decided to make some changes while Monty was gone. Since he left, I've lost 18 pounds. I've been exercising 5 times a week too. When I started, I was walking a 20 minute mile on our treadmill. I just got off the treadmill...and I finished a mile in 12 minutes! I'm very gross and sweaty right now, and my legs feel like rubber...but I am so excited about shaving 8 minutes off my mile in 5 weeks! I'm hoping to loose 2 more pounds before Monty gets home...then I will have lost 20 pounds while he was gone! Keep praying for me....it's not easy for me! But, I'm so excited!

Cry, Rant, Pray....Repeat

I sit here tonight with a sort of "war" going on inside of me. It's the battle of keeping things in perspective. Never easy...and almost impossible for me at times. I've been upset all afternoon because my camera was stolen. I love my camera. And, honestly since Monty's gone, it's been a great way to connect, to keep him updated on life here.... It was stolen last night, right out of my diaper bag. Ugh.. I've been on the verge of tears...oh who am I kidding...I've been crying off and on all afternoon. I hope whoever took the camera enjoys the video of Nathans first steps! ( I do have it saved on my computer....THANKFULLY)

Just about an hour ago, I got a call from my Mom. My cousin Sarah, was just admitted to the hospital. She's been battling breast cancer for almost 3 years now. I got all the details about her hospitalization and as I hung up the phone, I felt like crying again. Who am I kidding...I cried again. I'd been fussing all afternoon over a camera. Sarah has been in pain for such a long time...and suddenly the camera thing did not seem like such a big deal. So, I cried over that for a bit.

Then I cried because I was crying alone...Monty's not here and I can't cry on his shoulder. Then I felt selfish again...and cried some more. I think I'm a mess right now.

So I sit here with puffy eyes really trying to maintain a healthy perspective....

1) Camera's are replaceable..children are not. I was watching my children, not the diaper bag. I would rather turn away for a second and lose a camera, as opposed to turning away for a second and losing a child.

2) Monty is going to come home. He is not gone forever... I can call him... We're good there.

3) Sarah needs me to pray, to lift her up to our heavenly Father who knows the plans he has for her. He loves her with an everlasting love and she is surrounded by the prayers of thousands.

So, *sniff*... I think I need to get a drink of water...pray some...and head to bed.

Hospital Time

Yes.....Nathan had a nice stay in the hospital last night. He has pneumonia. Lots of fun. I'm really sleepy...will write more later. But, I thought I'd get pictures up!

Mmmmm Coffee

Can I just say I love coffee. I love the smell, I love the taste...I love the way I can feel myself physically relax as I take that first hot sip. Mmmm... Coffee. I'm so glad God prompted some one somewhere to say..."Hmm...I bet if I roasted these beans and ground them up...there would be a great drink...' I don't know who it was...but I am forever in your debt! This morning...as silly as it sounds...I'm so grateful for coffee....

My Little Evangelist

Today, I had the pleasure of taking my three boys to two different doctors offices. This is not normally something I enjoy. However, today, JD made the whole trip worth it. It was at our second office visit. He was in the little partitioned off area, playing with toys. There were three other boys in there playing. They were all older than he was. JD said... "Hey guys...sit down for a minute. I have to tell you something. " I peeked in there to see what he had to say. Remarkably, the other boys sat down. JD took a deep breath and said... "Guys, I want to tell you about Jesus. Jesus came down from heaven (pronounced "He-ben) to the earth (Erf). He died on the cross for our sins. He raised from the dead and went back to He-ben. So, you have to believe in Jesus so you can go to he-ben. " Then he said "That's All"... and they continued to play.

I was dumbfounded and humbled. What pure faith...out of the mouth of babes.

Videos for Dad

I'm including this link on my blog...cause I know Monty will be checking. We miss him. So, we're going to try to put up a couple new videos a week so that He can take a look at what's going on here. If you want to take a peek too...go ahead....Just know there is much silliness.
http://www.youtube.com/Conster71

Brooke Fraser - Shadowfeet

This video really hit me this morning. Not sure why, but I sat in front of my computer with tears rolling down my cheeks. Maybe it's just the hope that when everything's over...those of us who know Jesus...will be found in him. It's kinda of a strange video..but maybe it's the looks in thier eyes...like we all have...a longing to be "home"...

8 Funny Things

So, I've been informed that my blog has made the occasional person shed tears. So....I am going to share 10 funny moments from today....

1) Nathan and I were at the deli counter picking up lunch meat today. I was wearing a v-neck shirt...Nathan pulled it down and the Deli counter guy saw more than chicken breasts today....

2) JD told me that he listened to his teacher at MDO today, and was only a "little bit naughty".

3) Caleb stole all of JD's chicken nuggets while he thought nobody was watching.

4) I got into my shower this morning and stepped on a plastic dinosaur... (thanks JD)

5) JD hurt his foot at MDO today. It truly is sore. However, it gets unbearably sore when I ask him to do something

6) Caleb took his pants off several times at MDO.

7) JD and Caleb had a self proclaimed "tickle-hug" match.

8) Nathan crawled under a couch and got stuck.

So....that's about it. Maybe not "huge" laughs. But, hopefully I got a few smiles :)

Being Apart, Playlands and Sweeping the Patio

I feel like there are a million things I should be doing, yet here I sit at the computer. The house is quiet. The boys are in bed. In fact, it's almost to quiet...makes me miss Monty. I know that these weeks will go fast. We've been apart before. In fact, we were long distance the whole year before we got married. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm not even really "sad"... I just miss having him here. I missed him a lot a few minutes ago when I dragged the trash out to the curb...HIS job! I miss him when we tuck the boys into bed. I miss him when I crawl into bed...and he's not there. He's just fun to have around. Even if we're not talking...it's just having his physical presence that's nice.

The boys and I had a great day. We went to Sams Club and loaded up on diapers, ego's and other various items. I splurged and bought the Tyson "dinosaur" chicken nuggets. JD at 5 of them at lunch. The boys took good naps. We had stir fry for dinner and for a special treat, I took them to the McDonald's play land for an ice cream cone and a chance to run around. The boys went to bed easily...and I am so grateful for that.

Caleb was really "snugly" tonight. For those of you who know him, you know that is a rare treat for Mommy. We sat in the quiet of his room and I rocked him. I sang song after song and he just held on to me. I know these days will end all to soon, so I savored every second of it.

JD was full of questions tonight. He's been very concerned about making everyone "proud". He swept off the patio tonight and he showed me...his words were ..." Mommy, does that make you proud of me? Does it make God proud of me?" I assured him that we were both proud of him. Tonight as we were praying together...I told him... "JD...did you know that Mommy is proud of you for just being you? God made only ONE JD in the whole world. He thinks you are very special just because He made you. We are both so proud of you..." He seemed to revel in that as I kissed his little face.

I think we all need that reminder... God's acceptance of us is not based on our performance. He loves us because He chooses to. So many times I've tried to "sweep the patio", in hopes of making God proud. When in reality...he is already proud of me because I'm His. I need to revel in that tonight.....

Monty's Blog

Monty has a new blog site. He's planning on writing in it during his time at Basic Training. Please keep him in your prayers. He'll be in South Carolina until November.


http://jbuckwheat.blogspot.com/

My life .....

Whew...the last couple weeks have flown by. JD and Caleb started pre-school and Awana. I started MOPS and Bible study. Caleb got tubes in his ears and stitches above his left eye. Nathan turned one. JD is about to turn 4. The boys and I "ran" the Race for the Cure....and this morning...Monty left for basic training.

Caleb in the Hospital...getting tubes

Nathans First Birthday

JD's 4th Birthday Celebration

Race for the Cure

Grass Angels

Funny story.....

Today JD and Caleb had gone outside. They had been out there for awhile, they both came in sweaty and smiling. JD's hair was matted and had grass in it.... When I asked him what they had been doing... he smiled and said... " We were making grass angels ...." What a kid!

Lifehouse's Everything Skit

Life is harsh sometimes. I've seen that through the eyes of my friend who has cancer, friends who are out of work, friends who are hurting, marriages of those I care about falling apart...I've seen it in my own life....
But I was reminded in a powerful way that GOD HAS ALREADY WON the battle for us. Dance with HIM today....

And then be reminded of this:And how can I stand here with you, and not be moved by YOU? But you tell me, "How could it be, any better than this?"



"...'Cause YOU're all I want, YOU're all I need, YOU're EVERYTHING!"

Robyn Update

Hello All,
I thought I would share the email with you this morning. It's from Robyns husband David. Please keep them in your prayers.

Dear friends and family,
Robyn's surgery was this afternoon and lasted for three hours. Her recovery was another two hours on top of that, so it was a long day for us. The surgery went well and she responded favorably to the anaesthesia and the procedures that were done. Unfortunately, not all turned out as we had hoped. Cancer was found to be present in her lymph nodes on one side. About 20 of the nodes were removed and we will not know the extent of their nature for a few days. Her oncologist listed the cancer cells as stage 2, and she will require chemotherapy and possibly radiation treatment once she recovers from this surgery (estimated at 4-6 weeks total). Needless to say, we are quite devastated by the news as it continues to sink in. She is pretty well sedated at the moment while the anaesthesia continues to wear off. She was informed of all of this by her oncologist who performed the surgery and we will know more about types of treatment as well as a more defined prognosis in the days ahead. He remains hopeful that this treatment will prove effective, as do we, but we are obviously deflated by the news, as this will surely complicate life for us. We don't know yet when Robyn will be released from the hospital, but we anticipate leaving either Thursday or early Friday. We have been so overwhelmed by your thoughts, prayers, and words of support, and we ask that you continue to keep us in your prayers. We continue to trust the sovereign hand of God, and know that He is good and works things according to His good purpose and plan. While we don't understand it, we are going to move forward in faith. Please pray for our girls, Anna and Audrey, that their lives would not be disrupted in the midst of this. Thank you all for being a part of our lives, and we will continue to keep you aware of Robyn's health in the weeks and months ahead.

peace and love,

David



These pictures were taken in January 2006 at our home. Robyn and I were both pregnant. Her Daughter Anna is pictured below, and Audrey came about 9 weeks later. This was the last time we got to see each other. I'd love to get up to Chicago to see them!