I read this today...thought I'd share it with you...
"Did you know there are spiritual diseases? Two of the deadliest are the "if" diseases, What if and If Only. These illnesses are fraternal twins, alike but not alike. Both lace the eyes of faith. What if looks to the future and worries about what God might allow. If Only looks to the past and grumbles about what God has given. The first leads to anxiety, the second to anger."
I've been dealing with both of these a bit over the past couple of days. As Monty came home and returned to his job at Jareds...the end of our "active duty" pay came to an end as well. This takes about $600 off of our monthly income. We had planned to save a lot of what he was making during this time...however, life got in the way. New Brakes on a car, a stolen camera, a plumbing upset that resulted in both a carpet cleaning bill and a plumbing bill. A broken vacuum, a flat tire. Uniforms for Monty. New brake pads on another vehicle. Just life ..ya know? The "If Only" side of me says.... if only we had saved more....blah blah. The What if side of me says...what if we have an emergency and we don't have the money? In one instant I'm kicking myself, the other side of me is worrying.
I'm learning that worry is really a lack of faith. George Muller said "The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith. The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety." I have dear friends who have chemical problems etc that cause anxiety, panic attacks etc. I however, do not have these chemical problems...and I worry and fret all on my own. I can feel myself doing it. It divides my heart, my attention...it can keep me from doing what I need to do...and drives me to do what I don't want to do. When I worry, I'm short with my husband, my kids...and I'm harder on myself.
So...all this to say. Yes...our finances are going to be back to being "tight". We are good at living on little. We actually make it a game between us at times. I know we can do it. I just honestly enjoyed the little "reprieve" from having to worry as much. (There it is again...I don't HAVE to worry. I choose it.....LEARN SELF...LEARN) My confidence needs to be in God as a provider...not the size of a paycheck. Monty works very hard to provide for our family. He starts school again soon too. How he handles working full time, being in school full time, being in the National Guard and being a great husband and Father is beyond me. God has given me so much in the gift of my husband. He is a great "balancer" for me. Monty has such a steady faith. He is confident and is able to handle the "ups and downs" so much better than I can.
Lord...please help me to choose faith...
2 comments:
Connie as the Word says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I realize this is easier said than done. I too understand that having a little breathing room in our budget is great, but I also realize that the times I have had to cling hardest to God are the times of my leanest budget. I have heard a great quote, when I am down to nothing, God is up to something. This can apply to our finances, marriages, emotions and many other areas. You know the source of your provisions. God has provided Monty for part of those provisions, but remember that He is the ultimate source. Keep your focus. He knows your every need and has been faithful to all of us, time and again. Keep striving and even ask God for creative ways to make it work. He is always there with an answer. Much love and prayers,
What a fanastic post! Great reminder of those icky "ifs" in our lives. They creep in without us knowing sometimes.
Since Nick just went into full time ministry, I too can relate to all the "tight" ways of living. I trust that God is our Provider just as He was when our income was different. Well done expression your thought process in all of this!
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