When I think of you...

It's 8:17 am.  I just got Caleb on the bus and headed to school.  The other two boys are still asleep...and I'm enjoying my first cup of coffee and the quiet that is so rare in this house. 

God has been working on me over the past few weeks.  I had just felt "off", not depressed or sad, just kinda "blah."  I wanted so badly to "feel and see" God in my daily life.  For so many years I felt like we have gone from crisis to crisis.  Be it a move, job loss, premature baby or loss of a loved one, we've faced those head on.  In the midst of  the crisis, I know how to act.  I know how to trust in God...it's my only option.  Living in surrender is easy during a crisis. 

 These past two and a half years I 've lived in the same house, worshipped at the same church, shopped at the same Wal-Mart.  Stability is a wonderful thing.  Yet in the midst of stability, I've found it easy to stagnate.  To get comfortable.  I've found it hard to stay faithful in my time with God.   I have not felt the same closeness to the Lord that I felt during those raw moments of grief or fear.   I know that God has not changed.  His arms still encircle me, his love is the same.  My sense of it is just different for some reason.

However, I've heard God whisper to me over the past few weeks.  His whisper is gentle and has stirred my heart in ways that I've longed for.  I was listening to a Michael W Smiths new worship CD  in the car the other day, and found myself WEEPING out of sheer love for Jesus. 

One song in particular has the African Childrens Choir in it.  The song talks about how much Jesus really does love us.  These kids are singing words like..." When I think of you I see you dancing...when I think of you I see you smiling at me...When I think of you  I see you praying for me.."  The very thought of Jesus smiling at me, dancing and singing....it's such a visual to me of his love...his covering and his faithfulness in the storm and in the calm.

Here is a clip of the song that I found on Youtube....  

Museum, Movie and the Moon

It's Monty's Drill weekend, and I always try to do somthing fun with the boys when he is out of town. Today was a great day....

Our adventures started out with me taking the boys to the Philbrook Museum here in Tulsa, OK. The museum has a FREE (yes, no charge) program for kids. They get an art box with supplies that they get to keep, and they had three different projects for the kids to do. The boys had a blast working on the different crafts. I was greatful for a fully supplied craft studio with helpers! We were there for almost two hours. So fun! (Thanks Jenni for the heads up about this program!)

We also saw a mantinee showing of Madagascar 2. Near my house there is a theater that shows the NEW movies for $2.50 per person. Gotta love that!

After the movie was over, we went home and I got the boys ready for bed. I told them we had to put on "Footie" jammies. We then grabbed some blankets and to thier delight we headed out to the backyard. We all snuggled under the blankets and watched the moon, the stars. The boys were giddy and wide eyed. It was so much fun!

We came inside and had some hot chocolate. I watched thier little faces smile and listened to thier great little giggles as they slurped up the half melted marshmallows. We then brushed teeth, read our stories, said our prayers and I tucked them each in bed.

It was a great day....thank you Lord

Groundhog Day...

I haven't posted much recently.  I have had lots of memorable moments with the boys.  Life is never dull with them around.  However, there are times when I don't feel like I have much to say.  It's almost like life gets turned into a Mommy version of the movie "Groundhog Day."  It's the same day everyday...

I don't want it to be like that.  I don't think it will stay this way.  It's just how I've felt over the past few weeks.  Funny, how life can be a new adventure for children everyday..and I get stuck looking at the sink full of dishes, the laundry that needs folded, the diapers that need changed, the food that needs prepared.  I think that's the challenge for Moms.  It's finding the extraordinary in the ordinary.  It's waking up...and not just walking through life in that "Mom" daze.   

My prayer is that God will "wake me up" .  I know the these days will pass all to quickly.  I don't want to miss them.... 

I love Fall

I love fall.  I love the cooler weather (although Tulsa does not get cool quickly enough for my tastes...).  I love Fall activities.  I love taking the boys to Pumpkin Patches and Apple Orchards.

I love that I can have the windows open.  I love that our air conditioning bills are down and our heating bills have not started to rise.  I love long sleeved T-shirts and jeans.  I love a cup of hot coffee in the morning when it's chilly outside.  I love the leaves turning.  I love driving along a tree lined street when the wind blows leaves off the trees and they tumble down around my car.  I love pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks.  I love season premiers of my favorite TV Shows.  I love Fall!

Immanuel - Songs Of Praise

This was absolutely beautiful. I sang in choirs all through grade school, middle school, High School and College. I would have loved to just stand in the middle of this sanctuary and listen....

God is in Control

My Dad had surgery today. His back has been giving him a lot of problems as of late. He went to the Doctor last week, and they scheduled and MRI. The radiologist contacted my Dad right away and told him it was imperative that he see a neurosurgeon. He got into the Neurosurgeon on Wednesday. The Surgeon postponed his vacation so he operate on my Dad today. It's a been a whirlwind. I'm glad to report that the surgery went well. There was some risk that he would have some permanent nerve damage that would leave him in a wheelchair. Praise God they were able to get in there and stop the progression of that nerve damage. There are a few other issues he will have to deal with due to some permanent nerve damage in other areas, but we are just so grateful that he will be able to walk! None of us knew it was this "bad". We knew he was in a lot of pain, but we did not know the danger he was in. Thank you Lord for taking care of him!

Another great thing happend today. As many of you know, my little Caleb has some severe speech delay issues. He is almost 4 and communicates at about a 2-2 1/2 year old level. He will "parrot" a lot of words back to you, but does not communicate needs or wants with words. We have him in a speech delay preschool and have used some sign language with him. It's very exhausting trying to figure out what he wants. I just want to know what is going on in that little noggin.

Today, I took the boys to a pumpkin patch. Caleb picked up a little pumpkin and said... "Turtle hungry". What is remarkable about this statement, is he is recalling the memory of a different pumpkin patch that we went to A YEAR AGO. They had a large tortoise there that was eating a small pumpkin. The more I thought about it, the more choked up I got. He was able to, for the first time, relay a memory to me. A memory that he has up there in his little head...and it was finally able to make it past his lips...and I could understand what he was saying. It was a HUGE deal, and leaves me in tears still.

Both of these events, though very different , impress on me that God is in control. He is moving and even though the progress may be slow or the process painful, He is in control. He is in control.....

Saved by Love

I love my boys.   They are amazing little gifts.  I am so greatful for the time God has given us with each of them.  However, in the midst of having a 2, 3 and 4 year old, I'm tired.  I'm flat out exhausted.  I want to be the best wife and mother that I can be. I've only got one shot at this.  It's just hard sometimes.  I've been struggling lately.  I'm easily annoyed and frustrated.  This is not who I am.  It's not who I want to be.  It's just a tiring season.  I want to raise these boys up to love and serve the Lord.  I desire for them to fall in love with Jesus and to be great men of God.  I need refreshing.  I need to know I'm doing a good job.  I don't want to fail at the greatest oppourtunity God has given me.  

I think sometimes when the day is over, the toys are picked up, the dishes done and the house is quiet is when I feel the most overwhelmed and relieved all at once.  It's a strange emotion.  I can't really explain it.  Maybe other of you stay at home Moms know what I mean.  Its at these moments when I truly need to cling to my Father in heaven.  He knows what I can handle.  He knows where my breaking points are.  He knows what I need.  The rest I desire is not just physical, it's emotional and spiritual as well.  Lord...help me on this road of Motherhood, to be who you want me to be.  Nothing more, nothing less.