A Veiw of Our December

Merry Christmas everyone! We had a great day here in Oklahoma. Monty's folks were here to celebrate with us. My house is filled with Dinosaurs, Trains, Army Men and Lincoln Logs! Monty's Dad dressed up like Santa this morning. JD was fully aware that it was Grandpa, but he was excited about it to be sure. (I'm not a huge Santa fan...but it was really cool to see how much joy Grandpa got out of passing out presents to the kids...it was worth it just to see the look in his eyes)

We had a great Candlelight Christmas Eve Service at our church last night. Complete with Caleb yelling "FIRE" and blowing out our families candle. JD announced that the communion bread and juice were our "snacks"....you get the picture. Lots of memories to be sure.

It was a great day... Thanks Lord for being the reason we celebrate The reason we enjoy life. The true meaning ...of CHRISTmas.

Enjoy the slideshow....

Tree Trimming, No Power and Ice Storms

A large ice storm hit Oklahoma over the weekend. It left hundreds of thousands of people with no power. There are still many without power. The Johnson clan survived 3 days with no power. We did survive. We have a wood burning stove and a ton of firewood. I'm so amazed at how great God is.

This summer, the power company sent crews out to our neighborhood to trim trees. The completely cut down one of our trees in the back yard. They even cut the wood up and stacked it for us. I was a little annoyed at the time, I couldn't believe that they cut down a WHOLE TREE....but, now it was that very tree that kept us warm. Another blessing is that if that tree had not been cut down, we would have an even bigger mess than we do now! God is good.

I also realize that there are times in my life where God is trimming things back, or completely removing things for reasons that make no sense to me at the time. However, in His great mercy and provision....He always has a reason and it usually involves keeping me safe and warm....

I DID IT !!!!

Today I ran my first 5K! I've been working really hard over these past few months. I'm down almost 23 pounds and I was able to run the 5K in 40:02. Not to shabby for this 36 year old Mother of 3! Monty and the boys came to cheer me on. It was fun seeing them all waiting for me at the finish line. I'm so grateful for a supportive family!

December 2004 (Part 2)

The Birth of Caleb was the second event that caused me to depend on the Lord. It wasnt' even a concious dependance at times. It was a total, complete relinquishing of any type of control. All I could do was crawl up on God's lap and let Him hold me through the storm....

These words are actual entries from my journal at that time....

"..... I stayed in Denver for a couple weeks after Gil's death. I flew back to our home in Joplin, MO on December 3, 2004. I scurried around Joplin trying to unpack from Denver and re-pack for our trip to Florida. Monty had a job interview at a church there and they were flying the whole family there for a week. On Saturday, I noticed that I was spotting a little bit. I wasn't really concerned, I just chalked it up to being 7 months pregnant etc. On Monday, I was still spotting a little bit and so I called the Doctor. They had me come up to labor and delivery. They did a complete exam and everything appeared normal. Caleb's heartbeat was good and strong. The Doctor attributed the spotting to having a sensitive cervix. I told them that we were flying to Florida the next day. They did not seem concerned, but I did request a copy of my pre-natal records to take with me.

We left Joplin that night and drove to Kansas City. I continued to have some spotting. I woke up early in the morning with a couple of contractions. I just chalked it up to good ole Braxton Hicks. Our flight left at 7:00 am. I kept having contractions. I thought maybe changing positions and drinking water would help. We landed in Atlanta for a layover. My contractions got stronger. We walked around. JD toddled everywhere. I laid down on the uncomfortable chairs in the concourse, I stretched against the wall, I walked...they kept coming. About 6-7 an hour, so about every 10 minutes. We boarded our next plane. The flight to West Palm Beach was only an hour. Monty held JD and eventually he moved with him to the empty seats right in front of me. I couldn't deal with him climbing on me. I kept getting up and going to the bathroom, more bleeding, more contractions. The contractions kept getting harder and faster. I distinctly remember holding onto the arm rests tightly and trying to relax my body. But, I was getting scared, which made it hard to relax. I caught Monty's eye and said.. "This is not good". As the plane began its descent, I told Monty we needed to let the steward know what was up. I hadn't told anyone before, because I didn't want to panic anyone. So, we called the Steward over and asked if we could have a wheelchair for us when we got off the plane. He asked why, we told him I was in labor. You could see the color drain from his face. He got on the intercom and asked that everyone stay seated so we could get off the plane first.

We got off the plane, met the pastor of the church that Monty was candidating at, at baggage claim. At this point, my contractions were about 2 minutes apart. They asked me if I wanted an ambulance, I said YES! At this point, we gave our baggage claim tickets to the pastor, and we handed him JD and the diaper bag. The ambulance arrived. They brought in a stretcher. I don't remember getting on the stretcher. I do remember the paramedic telling me he was going to take off my pants. The pressure got really intense. I was really scared. I kept telling him..."I'm only 31 weeks pregnant, he can't come now, it's to early..,." He assured me he had delivered 4 babies and could handle this. Then the urge to push hit. A contraction came and I couldn't help it. I pushed and "GUSH" the amniotic fluid shot out of me and plastered the entire back end of the ambulance. Including the windows and the helpless paramedic! I was embarrassed and kept apologizing.

We finally got to the hospital. They had Monty go fill out paperwork and they got me into a room. A nurse came in and checked me. She rushed out and came back in with a whole team of people. There was no conversation, I felt strangely like I was on a scene from ER. They told me that Caleb was coming out wrong and they had to do a C-Section. There was chaos everywhere.

They hooked me up to a fetal monitor. The nurse could not find a heartbeat. I was so scared. I kept waiting to hear that rhythmic swooshing...but there was nothing. Another nurse came and started prepping me for surgery. Monty walked in. Still no heartbeat. The nurse assured me it would be OK. They were sticking me with IV's, shaving me (not pleasant) and still scanning for a heartbeat. There was shouting and commotion. Keep in mind that I'm not a swearing person, but inside I'm yelling ..."FIND THE @!#$% heartbeat~! They wheeled me down the hall and into the operating room. They transferred me to a different bed. They asked me to roll into fetal position and hug my knees. They rubbed something cold on my back and then stuck the shot into my spine. My legs and everything went warm and then numb. Monty was wearing a surgical gown and was sitting by my head. They had a tarp up so I couldn't see. Within just a few seconds, they had Caleb out. There was a long pause as they worked on him. Then I heard him cry...never had anything sounded so wonderful. They showed him to me briefly then whisked him off to the NICU. They sewed me up and wheeled me into a small recovery room. Monty and I sat there stunned. We looked at each other and shook our heads as if to say..."What just happened~!?"

They soon wheeled me into the NICU to see Caleb. He was so tiny. He laid in an open crib, hooked up to monitors. His arm was bruised from the shoulder to the tips of his tiny fingers. The doctors were not overly positive about his condition. They weren't negative, just tentative. I was kept in the hospital for a week. Everyday I would go down the the NICU to see little Caleb. The first week they had him hooked up to a ventilator, which breathed for him. I was so scared. Just weeks before, I had seen Gil hooked up to a ventilator with some of the same monitors and tubes coming out of his head. I was almost scared to hope that my little guy would be OK....."

Check out this video of him from the day he was born...

As most of you know, Caleb is fine. He turns 3 tomorrow. He came into the world with a bang, and continues to leave his mark on the world. I know God has great plans for him. I'm so grateful for the 3 years of life we've had with him and Lord willing we will be celebrating many Birthdays to come! I love you little man~!

November 2004

I'm not even sure how to begin this blog. I want to write about two events. Two events that took place during November and December 2004. These events changed me. These events were perhaps the most difficult times I've ever faced. It seems that the world stopped and how or when it started spinning again, I'm not sure. I do know that it was during these two events that I learned what dependence upon God really meant. I think I'm just going to recount these events in two seperate entries. I'm going to share some of my actual journal notes during that time....

November 2004,

"....Mary Zane called to let me know that her Dad had fallen on Saturday.
He was in the ICU in Denver. She was flying home from Waco on Sunday. Monty was candidating at a church in Nowata, OK that day. We went to the church...all through the service I got updates. Gil did not look good. We decided to head out to Denver on Monday night. Miraculously, God provided for our financial needs to make the trip possible. We left Monday night and drove halfway. We got into Denver on Tuesday afternoon. We dropped JD off at my parents house and went right to the hospital. I went back to the room with Chris and Mary Zane. Chris was sitting in a chair by his Dad's bed. Gil had tubes coming out of his head. Half his head was shaved and he had a trachea in so he could breathe. I walked over to Chris and he fell apart. I stood there and held him as he cried. Mary Zane came over and the three of us hugged and cried.


The next days and couple of weeks are a blur. Full of hospital visits. One of my best memories is from the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Mary Zane and I had gone out for coffee (at Starbucks of course) and then visited her Dad. He had had surgery to try to relieve the pressure in his brain. They cut his head from ear to ear and stitched it up loosely, hoping that that would allow the brain to swell and relieve the pressure. I went over and spent the night at their house. The next morning Chris was there, and the three of us laid on Gils bed and we talked and laughed. Chris and I had lunch at Chipotle that day. After lunch, I went back to my folks house.

I was getting ready for the Thanksgiving Eve service at my parents church when Mary Zane called. She told me that her Dad's brain pressures had skyrocketed and basically "strangled" his brain. They made the decision to withdraw care. That's a decision no 18 and 19 year old should ever have to make. I sat JD down in my Moms lap, got in the car and sped to the hospital. I don't even remember the drive there. I got there and hugged MZ. They had moved Gil to a private room. The nurse came in and turned off the monitors, removed the ventilator tube from the trech and we waited. I had everyone gather around and we prayed.

All in all it was just weird. Standing around waiting for someone to die. There was a crowd of people in the waiting room. In a strange way, I felt honored to be able to be in the room with the kids. We didn't know how long it would take. His breathing was rhythmical. The kids went up and held his hands. I stood beside them or behind them. Even now, as I look back on it all, it doesn't seem real. I just cant seem to let myself believe that this is really happening. It just feels like a really clear memory of a horrible dream. The nurse came in and told us that because his heart was strong, this could take awhile. I remember holding his had and promising that I would take care of his children. I remember praying .." Lord, just make it quick". Not a prayer I wanted to pray, nor one I really wanted answered. What I really wanted was for him to "Snap Out of it". To just wake up. But, instead, we were here in this cold hospital and my prayer was more for the kids than for Gil.

Chris requested a few minutes alone with is Dad. I went out to the lobby to give everyone an update. When I got back in, they scurried us back into the room. Gil was about to enter Paradise. His color had gone from fairly normal, to a sickly green. His breathing was shallow and sporadic. Chris and Mary Zane went and held his hands. Both were crying. MZ kept telling him to "go home Daddy..." Then it was over. He just simply stopped breathing. We shuffled out of the room. I got details and paper work on the morgue and funeral home. We met people in the lobby. Lots of hugs, sniffs and tears. Then we all walked to our cars. Strange to leave and do something normal, like drive. I felt like everyone around should be sad too. It was cold and dark. We all felt numb.

I went back to my parents house. They were home from church. Mom was giving JD a bath. I went in and finished up. It was such a stark contrast. Here I was bathing a little 14 month old in warm soapy water. He smiled and babbled happily. I knelt down on the floor with tears running down my face. I got JD to bed, and packed up my stuff and headed over to Chris and Mary Zanes. I got ready for bed. I slept in Mary Zanes bed that night. We laid there and talked about her Dad. She made the comment that now I have 5 kids. Chris, her, JD, Caleb (who was not born yet) and our little one in heaven already. I told her that her Dad could be my kids nanny in heaven. We chuckled at that. I laid there, feeling Caleb move around inside me~ Thinking about death and it's finality and birth with it's new beginning. I wasn't waxing philosophical or anything, just noting the contrast...."

That was three years ago. It's still so vivid and fresh in my mind. Please pray for Chris and Mary Zane as they face another Holiday Season with out their parents. (They lost their Mom to breast cancer when they were 3 and 4). I love these kids and I loved their Dad. He was a great man, a wonderful Father and a dear friend. Thanks for taking time to walk through this memory with me....

Out of the mouth of Babes

A friend of mine posted this in her blog. It's a radio transcript of a boy from a small town in Nebraska. Great words from a young boy. Great Faith in a small package. Great Wisdom from a tender heart....