I sit here tonight with a sort of "war" going on inside of me. It's the battle of keeping things in perspective. Never easy...and almost impossible for me at times. I've been upset all afternoon because my camera was stolen. I love my camera. And, honestly since Monty's gone, it's been a great way to connect, to keep him updated on life here.... It was stolen last night, right out of my diaper bag. Ugh.. I've been on the verge of tears...oh who am I kidding...I've been crying off and on all afternoon. I hope whoever took the camera enjoys the video of Nathans first steps! ( I do have it saved on my computer....THANKFULLY)
Just about an hour ago, I got a call from my Mom. My cousin Sarah, was just admitted to the hospital. She's been battling breast cancer for almost 3 years now. I got all the details about her hospitalization and as I hung up the phone, I felt like crying again. Who am I kidding...I cried again. I'd been fussing all afternoon over a camera. Sarah has been in pain for such a long time...and suddenly the camera thing did not seem like such a big deal. So, I cried over that for a bit.Then I cried because I was crying alone...Monty's not here and I can't cry on his shoulder. Then I felt selfish again...and cried some more. I think I'm a mess right now.
So I sit here with puffy eyes really trying to maintain a healthy perspective....
1) Camera's are replaceable..children are not. I was watching my children, not the diaper bag. I would rather turn away for a second and lose a camera, as opposed to turning away for a second and losing a child.
2) Monty is going to come home. He is not gone forever... I can call him... We're good there.
3) Sarah needs me to pray, to lift her up to our heavenly Father who knows the plans he has for her. He loves her with an everlasting love and she is surrounded by the prayers of thousands.
So, *sniff*... I think I need to get a drink of water...pray some...and head to bed.
4 comments:
I was even prepared to read this blog, and at 2:35pm in the afternoon, you STILL brought me to tears! I think you are officially gifted. Love ya.
and now i cried. i guess we are all a mess. i cant begin to tell you how that hit home. i will keep Sara inmy prayers. And as for you dearest Connie-the Lord sees your heart and is well pleased. Such a sweet spirited and loving mother and wife. You are the modern day hero, look in the mirror-you are it!
Crying shows that you are still sane. You are a good mother, a good wife and a good friend. I understand those days of crying for little or no apparent reason at all. The Father knows your heart and He is always there listening, even when you feel like you are walking alone. I'll pray for Sara. It is so easy to look, with pity, at what is happening in our own worlds and forget that there are others who have much greater struggles. Thank you for keeping me grounded. Much love,
Paige
We all have days like that. Last week, I had about three of them in a row. Go ahead and cry. It's therapeutic. Just don't keep crying. There's always something to make you laugh (especially with 3 boys) and remember why you're doing all of this.
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